That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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