I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
