I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
