Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
