Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
