so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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