if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
