I wannas sexs uuuuu
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
These tits shall not be calmed
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
