forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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