He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
No subtext here. People are naked.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
