I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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