3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize