i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
