the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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