Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
