I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
