how can u be prego again
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
