Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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