I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My dad just said "fuck circus"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
