please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Im part way to drunk.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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