Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
