she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
