we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
