he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
