there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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