just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize