If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
