"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
