after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize