god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize