I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
