she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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