My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I need moral support for this bender
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
