I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
