That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
