Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
