Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
