At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
