There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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