your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
