you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
