this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
