we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
