1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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