I got chris browned last night
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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