Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
