Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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