Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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