I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
