Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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