DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
