Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
