we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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