piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
