i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
