Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
