thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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