you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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