My boss' voice literally gives me gas
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
