Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just took my morning after pill in the library
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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