If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
