He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
