I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
handjob tips. give me some.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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