i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
PANTIES FOUND
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