I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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